


Magnum

by IohannaFacTotum



Category: Tiger & Bunny, Zoolander (2001)
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:38:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IohannaFacTotum/pseuds/IohannaFacTotum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's common for Bunny to be a little put out by Kotetsu's silliness, but when Bunny's the one being silly, Kotetsu isn't sure how to react.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magnum

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was what came of my T&B Valentine Exchange to the lovely and amazing Chazzfox! She requested a crossover with Zoolander and this is the OOC mess that came of it, and I’m not sorry~
> 
> Enjoy!

Kotetsu’s patience was wearing very thin. Perhaps it had something to do with the bright camera flashes, or the way the photographers goaded Barnaby on every couple of seconds, crooning over every move he made and every minute twitch of his face as if he were some sort of modeling messiah. It really didn’t seem right to the veteran hero that people in their profession should spend so much time modeling anyways, so with each passing hour his chagrin became more and more apparent.

It wasn’t until in between a couple of the later shoots that he got vocal about his discontent.

“It’s a complete waste of time!” he griped to Ben as he threw himself in one of the fold-out chairs off set. “We’ve taken picture after picture after picture. Can’t they just reuse some of them or something?”

The old TopMag CEO peered at his friend over his newspaper. “It doesn’t work like that, Kotetsu, and you know it.” He left it at that but kept his eyes on the hero.

Kotetsu huffed and folded his arms over his chest. “Yeah, whatever…” he grumbled under his breath. He reached up to adjust his mask a bit and make sure it wasn’t slipping off and threw a glance over at Barnaby. The now-King of Heroes was making the same pose for the millionth time that day, but his smile looked just as bright and fresh as ever. That public smile always seemed off to Kotetsu, but perhaps that was because he was one of the few who had seen Barnaby’s real smile – the rare one that tugged at his lips when the old man made some stupid joke while they shared champagne, or the one that threatened to turn into a laugh when Kotetsu said or did something absurd. Kotetsu couldn’t help but smile himself when he thought about it, but the giggle-snort of a photographer and a sudden bright flash reminded him of his previous grievances.

“Just look at him,” he said to Ben, motioning to Barnaby. “He’s made that same face for every damn photograph today! And they just keep eating it up. I don’t get it.”

Ben raised an eyebrow at Kotetsu incredulously. “Apparently not…”

Kotetsu glowered at his former boss but couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he turned and watched as Barnaby continued to smile and smirk and wink for the camera until he was finally called back into the pictures.

~~~

They’d almost finished for the day. Kotetsu could almost see the end of the limitless list of sponsors and companies pining for their time and throwing company merchandise at them. They were so close, and knowing that much helped Kotetsu hold on just a bit longer. He even thought he would be able to make it to the end of the day without losing his temper.

Unfortunately, the day had other plans for him.

It was right before their last photoshoot. One of the staff members of some brand of sparkling water wanted to interview Barnaby for a short while beforehand, and the younger hero had agreed, much to Kotetsu’s disdain, but the veteran decided they could make it through that much at least. The interviewer had promised to be brief, after all. So surely, he thought, it would be okay. He poured himself a paper cup of water from the small plastic tank and sat himself back down nearby with Ben, hoping this would be over soon.

“So,” the young woman in an indecently tight magenta pencil skirt said as she started pushing a pair of oddly shaped and somewhat bug-like glasses further up her nose. Kotetsu could have sworn if she pushed them up any further, the nose pads would surely blind her. A middle-aged man with a camera and a (distasteful, in Kotetsu’s enlightened opinion) goatee held a camera on the two. “You’ve done several shoots in your two years as a hero, and all of Sternbild knows your face! What would you say is that trademark look that makes everyone stop and stare, Mr. Brooks?”

Kotetsu couldn’t help but scoff at the question. Surely Bunny wasn’t going to bite this one. He was too smart for this superficial nonsense. He’d probably just end up making some kind of witty comment or –

“Well, I guess the look I’m best known for is ‘Blue Steel,’” the blond hero replied without skipping a beat. He smiled coyly and brushed a light (and somehow still perfect) curl over his shoulder.

Kotetsu nearly choked on his water. Surely his partner wasn’t serious about this kind of thing!

The young woman grinned ear to ear and straightened her back. “Why don’t you demonstrate that one for us?” she asked, failing miserably to mask the excitement in her voice.

Barnaby nodded and smiled wider. “Of course!” he turned away from the woman and the camera for a moment as if he were trying really hard to collect his thoughts. A moment later, he turned his face up to the camera in a spectacular pout. His wide green eyes stared into the camera in a way that reminded Kotetsu of a dead fish and his lips were puckered to match. It took every ounce of self-restraint in the old man’s body to keep him from keeling over with laughter.

The young woman looked shocked to say the least. This was not the signature smile and wink of Barnaby Brooks Jr., oh no. As far as modeling was concerned, this was the very face of parody. She blinked once, twice, a third time before she finally spoke. “I… I see. I don’t recall seeing that particular look in any of your past photographs…”

Barnaby shrugged his shoulders flippantly. The pout disappeared at last and was replaced with his usual shining, if phony, grin. “I have a few others that you may have seen, in that case. There’s Ferrari, and Le Tigre,” he replied with a sly glance in Kotetsu’s direction. The old man caught the look but was completely unsure of what to make of it. “Le Tigre’s a lot softer. It’s a little bit more of a catalogue look. I use it for footwear sometimes.”

“Well…” the young woman asked, running a hand nervously down her pencil skirt as if to brush out a nonexistent crease. “Can we see that one?”

Barnaby looked down again, took a moment longer than the first time, and finally stared straight into the camera with the exact same dead fish pout of that joke he’d called “Blue Steel.” The King of Heroes blinked his obscenely long eyelashes twice in a soft flutter. Kotetsu gripped his side with one hand and covered his mouth with the other to keep a boisterous laugh from escaping. He wasn’t sure what was up with Bunny tonight, but it was a riot!

The young woman turned slightly and threw a confused look at her cameraman, who shrugged just barely as if that would keep Barnaby from seeing their silent conversation. “Ah… that one is a bit unfamiliar as well, Mr. Brooks…” she confessed with an awkward chuckle. “What about that signature smirk of yours?” she tried again, offering an amiable smile.

Barnaby scoffed as he leaned back slightly in his chair. “You wouldn’t want to see that old routine again, would you?”

“Actually, I…”

“How about this?” Barnaby said, suddenly leaning closer and putting his elbows on his knees. He glanced around as if he were about to reveal some big secret and then beamed at the woman as she leaned in closer as well, curious. “I’m working on a new look, actually. I’ve been practicing it quite a bit and I don’t think I have it quite perfected, but I’d be willing to give you a sneak preview, if you like.”

“Oh,” the young woman said, leaning back again. “Well, by all means, please do. What’s this one called?” she asked in the same manner someone would ask how to go about chopping off their own arm.

Barnaby’s grin widened. “Magnum,” he replied in a low whisper, his eyes wide and bright and excited.

The interviewer nodded and sighed. “Well then, let’s see what you’ve got.”

With a smug look, the hero sat back in his chair. He took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders, and shook out his arms. Another deep breath and a pause. Finally, Barnaby faced the camera one last time, staring into it with an unmatched intensity, although with the exact same expression as before.

This final display of ridiculousness was met with silence. Kotetsu had to leave the room temporarily. When he came back, tears in his eyes and a strong stitch in his side from laughter, the woman and Barnaby were both standing and shaking hands.

“Are you sure? You scheduled this shoot weeks ago, I’d hate for you to cancel when you’re already here!” Barnaby said with an earnest look of concern on his face.

“No, no,” the woman insisted, shaking her head fervently and laughing nervously. “That’s fine. It’s obvious that you’ve had a long day and you’re quite tired, so we won’t keep you up any later, Mr. Brooks.” She spoke quickly and nearly jerked her hands from Barnaby’s.

She had already made it to the door when Barnaby smiled in return and called after her, “If you insist! See ya!” When the door closed promptly behind the visitor, Barnaby joined Kotetsu and Ben at their table, filling a paper cup with water for himself.

Ben and Kotetsu completely lost it, doubling over in cackling laughter. Tears brimmed in their eyes and their voices started to give out for lack of air by the time Barnaby had calmly finished his drink.

“Bunny, what in the world was all of that?!” Kotetsu demanded, trying and failing to straighten himself. He eventually leaned against the table for support, wheezing in as much oxygen as he could manage between bursts of laughter.

“That,” Barnaby stated matter-of-factly as he refilled his cup and downed another sip of water, “was the only successful attempt I have ever made at getting home in time to get a decent amount of sleep.”

Kotetsu’s laughter eased off at last. “So you weren’t being serious?”

Barnaby sighed, tossing the empty cup in a nearby trash can. “What do you think, old man? Have you ever seen me make a face like that?” he replied.

When Kotetsu looked up to meet his eyes and answer, he came face-to-face with a very exaggerated example of Magnum. He burst into another uncontrollable bout of giggles, crumbling against the table in defeat as Barnaby waved and bid the two goodnight before finally leaving the studio.


End file.
